Frankenwords – 20 Words That Don’t Exist That Should

1. PARISITE
noun. Annoying, constant hanger-on to a celebrity.

2. INEPOTISM
noun. An inept person hired because they are related.

3. NINTENDOZE
noun. Falling asleep during a gaming marathon.

4. DISCONFECT
verb. To sterilize the piece of confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow ‘remove’ all the germs.

5. CARPERPETUATION
noun. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

6. ELBONICS
noun. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

7. PROCRASCELATOR
noun. A person who instantly pauses at the end of a running escalator, because arriving on a different floor is a huge mental challenge.

8. CRAPTASTIC
adj. Anything so bad it’s actually great.

9. LACTOMANGULATION
noun. Manhandling the “open here” spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the ‘illegal’ side.

10. DEJAFOOD
noun. Leftovers

11. PEPPIER
noun. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.

12. PHONESIA
noun. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

13. FLOORDROBE
noun. Where people keep their clothes when they can’t be bothered to put them away.

14. PUPKUS
noun. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

15. TELECRASTINATION
noun. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.

16. CYBERCHONDRIAC
noun. A person who reads symptoms of illnesses on internet health sites and then begins to believe they’re sick.

17. FRIENDVY
noun. Envy over how many friends someone has on social networking sites.

18. AQUADEXTROUS
adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

19. IGNORANUS
noun. A person who’s both stupid and an arsehole.

20. FOREPLOY
noun. Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

The two I use all the time are craptastic and floordrobe. Do you have any to add?

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16 Comments »

1. Comment by Natalina — July 12, 2009 @ 12:59 pm

   These are great, Cheryl! I’ve been known to NINTENDOZE from time to time…I’ve got quite the pile building on my FLOORDROBE…I will admit that I am a CYBERCHONDRIAC, although I have been cured of my FRIENDVY….I am more than AQUADEXTROUS, you’d be surprised to know that things I can do with my toes…And I have never ever ever never been a party to a FOREPLOY. Don’t need to, I got the goods!

   I say craptastic a lot, but even more than that, if something is really really appalling yet wonderful, I call it craptacular.

2. Comment by Lone Gunman — July 13, 2009 @ 2:57 am

   I love ingnoranus!!!!! I could think of a few people that word, including my boss. I’d seen a couple of these before but inepotism made me laugh. Telecrastination could also mean using the TV to procrastinate, that would be my interpretation and I’m guilty as charged.

3. Comment by Jo — July 13, 2009 @ 11:41 pm

   Number 7. What a brilliant word, I hate when people stop at the top or bottom of an escalator and cause a line of people smashing into them. I’m going to have to try and think of some of my own now to add.

4. Comment by Pop Doctor — July 15, 2009 @ 12:51 am

   Hilarious.

   I’m stealing Floordrobe from you and using it tonight on my daughters as a weapon of mass instruction.

   Doc

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